Orthodontia (Younger Age)

I hate wearing a retainer but that’s what must be done

A dingy clear plastic hell shell that pulls my errant teeth back into place

A retainer is rather like being reeducated rather than being killed

Braces are tooth straitjackets, cruel and unusual punishment

Social skill killers but I’m so lucky to be socially awkward even without the teeth prisons

Getting chicken caught in the braces was a nightmare

Now without the retainer my front teeth cut into the gums behind my upper lip

I got beaver teeth, teeth that have a function of cutting down trees

Dental surgery takes what the retainer did yet replaces the teeth with molds

“Made of dental grade plastic”, do nerves still connect to plastic?

The retainer becomes clouded with filth, a kind of film, actually

Saliva film, dog drool, it smells like dog drool

I guess we’re both mammals so it’s not unexpected

“A dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s,” all the dog owners say

I believe that wholeheartedly because dogs don’t have to wear retainers

They bare their teeth as a show of anger or because they like attention

“Look at those chompers, what a good boy!” the dental hygienist says

Then she gives me the retainer

It comes in a black case with a water soluble sticker on the bottom

The bathroom sink sprays water across the counter like an archerfish, the pressure too high

Soon enough the sticker is gone as is my name in black pen formerly written there

How will the TSA agents know whose grimy pieces of plastic are in the box?

I wish they weren’t mine